Looking for treasures in a very confusing life...the ups and down's of change

The memories of life before my husband died are vivid! Yesterday I searched for a very long time for glimpses of the man I loved for over four decades. It seems, in my haste to ready the house for a real estate showing I put away his driver's license with the intention of keeping it safe from wandering eyes as they came through on a tour of the place we call our home. Being of the over 60's crowd is proving to be a bit challenging as you see, I forget many times where I placed the important things I am certain to need later! Can you relate? Thankfully I came across the handsome faced license a few hours later, underneath our marriage license and birth certificates. Proof once again of the love we shared as man and wife.



Little by little I see the importance of being organized and having goals in life. My dear husband was very intentional about making sure to keep the main things (we call important) such as copies of policies, proof of insurance, maintenance agreements, appointments etc. in a safe place. Once he became ill and entered the ravages of chemo, which we hoped would cure the cancer he so bravely endured he began to have difficulty staying focused on such trivial things. Our way of life changed from looking forward to the years ahead to hoping he would be alive to see our grandchildren realize their dreams.




Looking back I see how we had more than enough love between us to grow a family. Our plans, to sell our home and move closer to our beautiful daughters and their family's were put on hold in lieu of cancer and the need for constant medical supervision. Oh, the hopes and dreams of a lifetime resonated so clear within my saddened heart. Did I express how much I loved him? Only every few hours. I would call out to him on my way out to the garden, " I love you Dan!" He would answer me in his usual style of matter of fact certainty" I love you too!" Each evening before sleep he would say to me " I love you, sweet dreams" the words my heart found treasure in. The words my own parents said to my three brothers and I growing up.



While deep in thought during my devotional time this morning I came across these verses in Psalms 116: 15 Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints. O Lord I am truly your servant; I am the son of your maidservant, you have freed me from my chains. Psalms 118: Give thanks to the Lord for he is good; his love endures forever. On days when I ponder if my heart will ever love again my Lord speaks truths to my weary heart. Psalms 34: I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Psalms 31: 24 Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.
Yes, I have more than enough love to last my lifetime....because I am a child of the creator of life!